Month: December 2024

Leave a comment Posted on Family, Kids, Life

The Death of Passion

I haven’t been able to recognize my passion in anything over my lifetime. I have tried, but to no avail. Maybe I was close when I participated in sports as a young person. Or maybe in my first chosen career in college – theater. Or possibly when I got into my current IT career. I even suppose writing could be measured by my passion-meter to some degree. But what I have clearly seen was the passion my daughter has for volleyball. And it’s a beautiful thing to watch – her passion for the game.

But that passion is dying, shriveling up like a wilted flower, or a grape slowly dying on the vine. And it hurts my soul to watch. 😦

As a father, I want to pour into her (and my son) every ounce of unused passion I have in my tank to ensure she has the most. I want to experience the joy, accomplishment, and camaraderie I witness in her spirit as she excels in her chosen sport. But that does not appear to be the longterm case as she limps down the road of unrealized dreams as so many of us have experienced. The sad truth of life.

Life’s challenges have caught up with her as she grows into a young woman who now has to find her way post the young teen era. She has been introduced to the issues of boy problems, parental problems, girlfriend problems and self-esteem problems that life spares no one. She continues to work through these challenges as I would expect, so this isn’t a letter of conceding to life’s challenges but merely the exploration of how to deal with the death of passion.

I imagine most of us have not been able to live out our passions in life or whatever passion we had takes a back seat to life’s intricacies that take center stage of making it day-to-day. I would even bet it hurts more when you have been able to identify your passion but have witnessed its demise, unlike those of us that have yet to know what having passion feels like. It’s a conundrum – best to have lived and loved versus not loving or living life at all.

When I witness those individuals that have harnessed their passionate ideas and rode the passion-wave towards their futures I can only imagine that intense feeling of accomplishment they must feel. And that’s why so many of us revel in the viewing of concerts, sports, books, business success or other expressive forms where clearly the person leading the charge has been able to achieve that plateau of success. It’s a beautiful thing in any medium.

Does Passion ever die or does it go dormant until the appropriate opportunity allows it to flourish once again?

We don’t like living lives of regrets or disappointments thus we strive to do the most in getting what we can out of life. That isn’t always as easy as it appears but we know it’s in reach because we witness it every day as others thrive. God plants the seeds of passion in every one of us – this I believe, and He wants us to explore what that might be – to nourish the seed allowing it to grow to a full blown mosaic of beauty as He intended. Sometimes others may identify this as our “gifts.”

That’s why I want to reignite the flame my daughter once felt and witness her achieve her dream, if just for a small period of time. Maybe because I’ve had to vicariously live through her at the expense of my own ineptitude. Either way, it’s akin to viewing the making of a Rembrandt but the painter decides enough is enough. There must be a way, an incentive to reengage the painter one would hope. And this is where I exist with my own offspring – looking for the right method to help her through.

Zuri with the dig.

I don’t believe the end is nigh, we merely have to channel what was to what else can be. I am hopeful.

Go well and with love good peeps.

Leave a comment Posted on Dating, Life

I Said What I Said

Recently I made a social media snafu, I guess I haven’t been on my “A” game as of late, and I posted a pic of me on a site with the following caption: “I want something special – a great connection.” An unintended cryptic message that caught the fancy of naysayers’ responses exclaiming that I wasn’t shit as a man looking for a relationship because I couldn’t even provide a more detailed response than what I did. So I edited the caption with a bit more detail that answered the original post’s question, “Men—Post A Pic And Be Specific About What Kind Of Relationship You Want.”

“I want something special – a great connection”

My lazy and unthoughtful ass couldn’t even muster up the creativity to provide more of a snapshot to my inner soul’s desire on the type of mate I would want and the type of man I would be if said mate would have me. No, I was a degenerate type of dude that didn’t think about anyone else but himself, so clearly I would drag a willing female through my mud and darkness while never providing a clear indication that the relationship (or supposed relationship) was on a road to nowhere.

Silly me to think otherwise. My fraudulent actions could not disguise my inner dog tendencies with this crowd of insightful women, so many let me have it. But, unlike Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law and for me to state with bravado – I SAID WHAT I SAID! – I acquiesced to the pitchfork crowd and provided more fodder for the post.

It was received with a mix bag. 🥹

Don’t get me wrong, there were many people that had an understanding of where my thoughts were headed and they didn’t see me in the shrouded light of confusion and as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but that I might have been genuine in my thoughts. And I was.

However, there is nothing wrong for me to self-assess, look in Michael Jackson’s metaphorical mirror, and start with what kind of man/mate I want to be and announce it to the world. In our current social climate, it is so much easier to stand your ground and believe everyone else is evil while you are the saint or good Christian you envision, wearing the mask of righteousness without truly considering the implications of such a stance. But it is so much harder to reflect on who you are, warts and all, and deal with them head-on, facing uncomfortable truths that may lurk just beneath the surface. It’s not that everyone has to like you or even hang out with you; however, cultivating a genuine understanding of oneself can lead to more meaningful connections and interactions with others. At the core of this self-discovery is the essential notion of authenticity—letting the world see your vulnerabilities and strengths alike. Accepting oneself fully paves the way for others to see your light, allowing them to accept you for who you truly are, which can foster deeper relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. Embracing this journey is ultimately a testament to personal growth, enabling both yourself and those around you to flourish.

I usually don’t put myself out there like that on the socials in effort to avoid the criticism I might receive. But, in this case, I was truly genuine in my thoughts on how I desire a connection so strong that all of my worldly desires of the flesh are merely secondary to the unexplainable metaphysical connection that I have witnessed in other relationships. The attraction, vibe, connection, or soulmativness (yes, I just invented this word) of another individual can be so deep that the mere presence of that individual lights you up like a cannon. It can be a beautiful thing in any kind of relationship – with my family, kids, friends – and even a mate. For that I might stand my ground and say, I said what I said – with the caveat – because I believe in something special.

Go well and with love good peeps.