…as was told to me by an unreliable source but I went with it.
My first response was, “What? I’m Black?” Well I sure wish I was informed that about 50 years ago. Oh yeah, wait, I was reminded of my Blackish [shameless plug for the new series on ABC] ways since I can remember. Yes I was told of my black roots from my loving and adoring parents, while being reminded of my inheritance through reparations from my black brothers and sisters, and then down to the non-Black folks that marveled at my athleticism and ability to dance like Carlton.
So I suppose I was aware of my being black. But was I angry?
I set out to understand whether the statement rang true for me or was it merely poppycock?
Side note: when was the last time you can remember a black man using poppycock in a sentence? I digress.
- I have been surrounded by negative news of police brutality in recent weeks and I have been beyond disappointed.
- The news surrounding black on black crime has made me despair for the future of my own kids and the impacts of our collective neighborhoods have on their lives.
- I sit and ponder the fate of black men previously held in high-regard only to have sins of the past take them to new fates – and my heart is shattered.
- I think of my own childhood and my desire to assimilate only to be called out of my name by my own brethren and I feel betrayed. Et tu Brute?
- I relive in my mind promotions eluding me and my frustration levels mount because I merely want my offspring to enjoy the abundant fruits of my labor – but my cupboards are empty.
- And finally, my experiencing first-hand the evils of divorce and the impact it has on my family, my friends, and my community and I become greatly unsettled.
But still I’m not as angry as I felt I should be. Where is the anger people notice within me?
Upon resuming my analysis of my life disappointments and shattered dreams I came up with this:
A – Always
N – Negate
G – Gross
R – Representations of
Y – You!
I finally discovered how I have been perceived and what it means! My light bulb moment came in the middle of the night as I was tossing and turning wondering where my agitation was coming from. I went through my mind yesterday’s debates and other uncomfortable disagreements where the last straw was bashing the character of others. And this did, in fact make me ANGRY.
But my emotion of anger was not misguided but on point. It was defending who I am as a human being. Others may become angry for various reasons but their anger is just as valid as mine. We are all humans and demand the respect as such. Thus, I came to the point that I will not accept a view of myself that is not in line with my own truths. Basically, this translates to “I don’t give a *bleep* what you might think because I know who I am.”
On the surface this might sound angry but in truth is not. It is standing up for my beliefs. And I trust each of you will do the same.
Go well and with love good peeps.