MY MOMENTS AND A SONG

There are moments in our lives – good and bad – where the experience we undertake is accompanied by song. The song and the experience intertwine to create a memory that is triggered by merely hearing the song. Also, the memory cannot be played back in our minds without the accompanying song in the background. It is through this complex orchestration of elements that defined who we were as individuals during that life moment. The beauty or sorrow experienced is an experience that lives on forever. I can appreciate the revelation into my soul because of this.

The DedicationAll That I Can Say – Mary J Blige

We lay together in each other’s arms on my bed. We were relatively silent after a time of loving on one another. It was late night and a song came over the radio. As the song began with its specific and recognizable beat – you looked at me and said, “I dedicate this song to you. I love you.” I don’t recall ever having a tender moment like this and at that time I didn’t want to be anywhere else except where I was – lying with you in my arms taking in the moment and hearing the words all that I can say.

My Ni**aIn the Air Tonight – Phil Collins

We probably shouldn’t have been on the road that night given how high we were. But somehow I knew shit was cool and I didn’t worry about too much. After smoking a joint, drinking a fifth and hanging out that evening we were on the road, top down on the Mitsubishi Eclipse cutting through the warm Dallas air on a clear night. The song has always been a favorite of mine so when it came on we both recognized its brilliance in silence, heads bopping, and the moment was etched in a memory forever. My “boy”, my ni**a, my confidant was born.

Unbreakable BondTribe – Bas & J. Cole

The birth of the moment that I knew we would always be connected no matter what. The road trip proved to be one of spiritual awareness and human connectivity. While it started off as any other moment – filled with apprehension, tension, and uncertainty, it became clear that it was the defining moment in which I saw you grow before my very eyes. We connected in a way that we had never connected before. I recognized our before and after images were vastly different providing a powerful contrast, yet, identical in the same breadth. We both felt the power of what we had experienced and knew that we would always be there for one another.

My Angel on EarthStrawberry Shortcake – The Sky’s the Limit theme music

How can reliving a moment time and time again of the very essence of life given by God as a gift to cherish throughout your lifetime ever get old? It doesn’t. You embody all that was promised to me when I was in need of love. When I knew that life was about to change in a way that was unrecoverable you were conceived. Your spirit embodies your name and you never prove me wrong for the love I unconditionally provide. If ever a simple moment turned into a gargantuan of a mountain it was our time together enjoying a simple yet unforgettable tune that resonated our time together in your young life.

Conditional LoveF**k You – C Lo Green

Anger, disdain, hate and generally pissed at you and the horse you rode in on. Like, really? I don’t quite measure up to your idea of a man that provides, huh? Not the loving companion that showed up in your fantasies? Was I just a sorry-ass waste of a male figure that happen to show up on your doorstep during a desperate moment in your life? Perhaps, but, thankfully, my confidence in who I am and who I get to be will always outweigh the projection put upon me by your own lack of self-worth. For that, I am thankful of the experience.

Go well and with love good peeps.

Goodbye and Hello

My weekend is filled with blissful fun – like packing and moving. Woo-Hoo! Nothing screams “change” like a new residence. The old residence contains family memories neatly packed away in U-Haul boxes awaiting the arrival of a few young men to complete the transition; while the new residence is a welcome change in eliminating strife and confusion from a wayward marriage. We all welcome these moments as we move past the pain, heartache, and sadness and look forward to new horizons.

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As I packed, I flipped through numerous pictures of me and my family. I looked through albums and smiled as I gazed at the pictures of the births of my kids. The pictures brought me back to all of those wonderful times captured in the four walls of the brick and mortar we called home for so many years. I smiled.

I rid myself of the various toys played with by the kids. I remember nearly every single toy I purchased and when my kids played with them. It’s a wonderful thing how the memories come flowing back. I caught myself basking in the moment. I smiled again.

The items left behind from my previous garage sale were stacked kindly along the curbside awaiting future homes to be adopted by other families. Neighborhood kids rummaged through the newly found treasures making their careful choices among the loot. I smiled again.

And as I prepared my new residence for the arrival of my “stuff” I felt a peaceful calm overtake me. I had a brief moment of bliss that I had not felt in a long time, a feeling that reminded me about the good in life. These are new beginnings, accomplishments through the storm, my kids and their smiles. I can’t help but smile again.

I’ve traveled a long road toward this moment as many people have and I haven’t cracked to the point of no return. I have held steady as I wound my way around those evil moments. I am nervous as any would be, but I feel I am in a good place. My mental capacity is strong, and I see the reaction of my kids to the new surroundings. They feel comfortable and secure even with less. And for this I smiled.

When it’s all said and done – even through the tedious tasks of packing and moving reflections of life are bound to occur. These reflections will be of the good and not-so good of the memories created through my family experiences. I can recall days which I can explicitly recount what we did as a family, the laughter that filled the room, and the smell of the family meal. All these events are happening simultaneously in my mind. The memories may be gone, but I have new ones waiting.

My kids see the change to the new residence and they embrace it. I see the event of change approaching and I slowly make my way toward it. I hope to embrace this change with the desire it will continue to rid me of my pain. I feel there is a positive smell of change in the air regarding my new residence with the smell catching me just under my nose and pulling me closer to acceptance. It pulls me toward the direction where my new future awaits. I smile again for the last time in my current humble abode.

Go well and with love good peeps.